A SEMI-REGULAR COMEDY COLUMN
By David Boulet
— Hey, David! You wanna hangout with me and Justin after school today?
— Yeah! What are we doing?
— Well, we were thinking we’d try jumping off the Mill Street Bridge.
— Oh…umm. That sounds really fun. Like, REALLY fun. But my mom had a talk with me before starting high school, and we agreed I wouldn’t do that.
— You agreed you wouldn’t jump of a bridge?
— Yeah. That’s the conversation we had.
— Okay, well, I guess that’s that.
— How about we do drugs instead. Can we do that?
— Oh, yeah. Definitely.
— David! Don’t finish your slice of pizza! When you were gone, Justin put his butt on it.
— That’s disgusting!
— I know! You better throw it out.
— Oh no…
— Well, my mom told me I should always finish my plate, because there are starving kids who would gladly eat my dinner.
— David… his butt was on it.
— I know.
— Do you really think anyone would gladly eat that?
— She said they’re starving.
— I know but…
— David! David! Come quick! Justin and I were exploring in the forest and we found a tree that literally has money growing on of it!
— Oh. Well, um. My mom told me money doesn’t grow on trees.
— It doesn’t?
— That’s what she said.
— Is she absolutely sure? We even got one of the bills authenticated on our way over to get you and they said it’s the real deal.
— Yeah, she sounded sure.
— Let’s go do drugs now.